Birth Wishes

Warning: This post contains material which many find controversial or inflammatory. I am discussing these topics in the way they pertain to me, my husband, and my child. This post is NOT meant to insult, degrade, or judge women who have made other choices. The reason we are able to MAKE a choice is because we are all different, and have different beliefs. These are simply my/our choices based on my research.

Whew! Glad to have that off my chest. What am I going to write about? Birth! That marvelous moment when one becomes two and tears are shed and a lifetime of worry begins! Well, I guess for many that lifetime of worry started with a line on a stick.

Our niece Alie was born May 31st, 2009. As in last spring. And yes, Piglet is due right before her first birthday. Don’t worry, I have already forbidden him to come on May 31st. Absolutely not, I will hold him in with my own hands if I have to. But anyways, in the time surrounding SIL’s last month of pregnancy, Alie’s birth, and the first little while of her life I became fascinated with pregnancy and birth. I read every book I could find in the library and spent countless hours reading on the internet. I read medical studies and midwifery articles and everything in between. I might have gotten just a smidge obsessed for a little while. I get a little compulsive when I get interested in something. I also had a couple of conversations with my mom.The end result was a three page “Birth Plan” that outlined what I believed I would want from my pregnancy and birth experience. Mind you, this was months before I even got pregnant. We weren’t even thinking about getting pregnant. We really didn’t want to be pregnant! But I was ready (and a good thing too!)

What I decided was that I wanted a natural childbirth. Natural as in vaginal, unmedicated, sweaty, unglamorous, moaning hard work. There were a lot of reasons and a lot of research behind my decision that I won’t get into here. The very most basic thing I can think when I need a little encouragement is, women have been having babies for centuries without medication. Women around the world right this very second are birthing naturally. My own mother had all three of us naturally. Birth, in most cases, is natural rather than medical and our healthcare system in the US medicalizes birth more than any other country in the world. And I’ll stop there, because I could go on for pages.

I also decided that “breast is best”. I feel pretty strongly about breastfeeding and feel that the mother’s determination is more than half the battle. I have a LOT to say about this topic and I’m pretty opinionated on this one but let me just leave it with this: the nurse that gave the hospital tour last weekend mentioned as part of her talk that the NICU gives donated breastmilk to their preemies and babies with surgeries or illnesses because that is what helps them thrive the best.

For the sake of keeping my head intact let me mention that I am well aware that sometimes natural childbirth is not what is best for baby or mother. And I am well aware that breastfeeding doesn’t work out for everyone. I don’t even know how things will work out for me—I am just an idealist primipara!

After meeting my doctor and getting to know him over the past few months, and after taking the hospital tour and getting a sense of how they do things I was able to cull my list down to a half-page “Birth Wish List”. I kept it short and sweet, and only included the most important things. Obviously if some adverse situation arises I will be prepared to compromise but this is what it would look like in my ideal birth.


Birth Wish List

Alesha Vines

This wish list is for a normal, uncomplicated birth. I understand that complications sometimes arise and different decisions must be made. Informed consent—as issues arise—is important to me.

• Prefer Hep lock over IV.

• Prefer intermittent external monitoring. I would appreciate being able to walk/move around as much as I feel up to.

• I am striving for an unmedicated birth. Please help me in my wish to remain unmedicated by not offering an epidural or other medications. Please feel free to suggest nonmedicinal options for coping.

.• Please allow me to try breathing down vs. directed pushing.

• Would like mirror to watch birth.

• Would appreciate perineal massage/support/hot compresses and prefer tearing to episiotomy.

• We are glad that [Hospital name] promotes the first hour after birth for skin to skin bonding and breastfeeding. We would like the Vitamin K shot and eye ointment delayed until after that hour.

• I plan to breastfeed. I would very much appreciate assistance and/or a visit from a lactation consultant.


Now, let me say this. I’m nervous. I know it’s going to be painful, and I doubt myself. Sometimes I worry about having to be induced. Pitocin contractions are twice as long and hard as natural ones, and I don’t know if I could deal with that. Obviously we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but it’s still in the back of my mind. I’m nervous because I have very little support in these choices. Nathan is behind me, and Melissa, and my mom is because she had all three of us naturally. I completely avoid the topic with my inlaws because, nice as they are, I’ve heard what they have to say about women who give birth naturally and it is NOT nice. To be honest I avoid discussing my choices with pretty much anybody not because I am ashamed but because I have not had one single solitary person say “you can do it”. They all just smirk and say, “You’ll change your mind”, or “Just wait till that first contractions hits.” Well, it may be true that I won’t be able to handle it but can’t I at least get a little support to TRY? So I don’t talk about it because I need to believe that I can do it.

I’m not ignorant. I know that I’m buying the hospital ticket and so going for the hospital ride. While I would like a home birth with a midwife, my hubby isn’t comfortable with that so I am respecting his wishes and we’ll be in a hospital. Thankfully the Dr. and hospital I’ll be in seem to be pretty pro-natural. And I am very well aware that sometimes things happen and that’s why those doctors and nurses and medical procedures are there. The only person I will be disappointing if I don’t have a natural childbirth is myself. And I would be very disappointed. But at the end of the day it’s really all about a healthy baby.

New (old) car

Rest In Peace sporty car. I'm sorry we traded you to a ricer.

I drove the new (to me) car to work today. It seems to run well. Doesn’t have any guts but I guess that’s what happens when you go from a standard to an automatic. It runs smoothly though. Nathan did warn me that it was loud and it needs back shocks. He wasn’t kidding on either count! The guy that had it was trying to ricer it out I guess and changed the exhaust to a LOUD beast. Nathan is going to dynomat the trunk (there is nothing but metal) which should keep most of the noise out. He’s also going to replace the back shocks, which will be good since it feels like you’re riding a pogo stick. That’s a funny visual! Ha! And of course we are going to get the AC charged. Those three things are really about all that we need to do at this point I guess. It has new tires (need a spare and a jack) and eventually we will need a lens for the front corner light (hit and run driver) but there is a bulb so I won’t get a ticket. Overall I believe N is happy with the trade. I teased him that he is nesting the car and he said he just wants it to be good for Piglet to ride in. Man-nester! Ha! We installed the baby seat last night. It is WEIRD to be driving around with that in the car. Like, hello, reality check. But thank God for providing.

Part of being a mom is driving a mommy car. I'd better at least get a break on insurance

Speaking of cars, I’ve also found my dream car. You’ll laugh at me, but it’s a Mercury. Yes, an old man car. Or boat. Whichever. Nathan’s work car is a 2009 Mercury Grand Marquis and he’s had it at the house the past few days which is nice cause then we can use it. I love it because it rides SO incredibly smoothly. I mean, sit on a cloud and don’t feel the pot holes smoothly. Plus the AC will blow you out the back window. I mean seriously, that is the best way to make a prego in Texas happy. Good AC. It’s roomy inside. And, AND, when you use your turn signal after dark, a little headlight turns on in the direction you are turning so you can SEE where you are turning! C’mon, how cool is that?!?! Yes, I know I’m easily amused. But it’s just so…so…COOL! So, old man boat or not, I am in love.

37 weeks, car trade

My 37 week picture is a real gem. I promise. But first you have to know the story behind it.

A few weeks ago my mom called and said she was sending me a package with a couple of things for Piglet, and a cute maternity outfit she’d found for me. She was so excited about the maternity outfit, going on and on about how cute it was and how she wanted a picture and on and on. So I finally got the package and there were some cute things for Piglet and then there was…the maternity outfit. I pulled it out and started laughing and laughing. I couldn’t believe mom really liked it and wanted me to wear it. But, she was so excited about it that I figured I’d just take a picture for her and pretend I loved it and throw it away on the sly. I texted her, “Got the package, love the stuff, thanks!” She texted me back, “Do you like your outfit?” Um, what to say. “I love all the baby stuff!” “But do you like your outfit?” “Man, Piglet is going to have more shoes than I do!” “But do you like your outfit?” Erm. “Yeah it’s nice, thank you!” “You really like it?” Finally I just gave up and called her. I told her that I was trying to be nice but the outfit wasn’t really my style. Finally, laughing, she said it was a big joke and she just wanted to see what I would say. So without further ado, here I am, in all my 37 week pregnant glory. Please note my lovely freshly waxed floors. Okay, so you can't tell. PRETEND!!

Now do you see why it’s so funny? I think these pantsuits were popular in the late eighties or maybe early nineties. In fact, at one point my mom had sewn matching pantsuits for her and I for deputation, and I LOVED mine. They had lace around the collars and were from a McCall's pattern. But now? I think we’ll just leave them for a joke. (And mom, I hope you appreciate the guts it took to put a picture like this in cyberspace.)

In other news, we’ve been trying to trade our car for a four door and it looks like Nathan just got a good trade. I have a 94 Acura Integra, the one he replaced the engine in last fall. It’s a good car and sporty but unfortunately the baby seat just doesn’t fit in the back seat (what there is of one, lol). We had a guy want to meet up to trade for an Accord on Sunday, and I almost bawled when I saw his car. It was a 92 (OLD!), and apparently he’s just had a new engine put in but it was in terrible condition interior and body wise, with a lot of things wrong with it. I’m not sure what he was thinking, since our car is in good condition with a lot of aftermarket mods. He offered us the car plus a thousand bucks to trade for our car, and seemed willing to go up more. He really wanted the teggie! I sat in C.hili’s and read a book while they took turns driving the cars and eventually N came in and asked me what I thought. I started crying and said, “I h-hate it!” Seriously. I know I have some hormones but it was also THAT bad. Poor guy. But he wasn’t happy with the car anyway and we knew we would be getting a raw deal even with cash so we politely declined. And by we, I mean Nathan did while I finished drying up my crocodile tears. I really hated the idea of getting rid of my sporty nice car for that hunka junk. And thankfully Nathan thought it was a bad idea even before he talked to me.

Then today he went to meet up with another guy and it turned into a trade! It’s a 94 Civic, 4 door automatic (Teggie was a standard, but I thought it would be easier to deal with a baby in an auto). It’s also only got 76K on it and was owned by an old couple so they are probably easy miles. The interior and exterior are both nice and I think Nathan is pretty happy with the trade. So praise God, that was the last big thing on my “Before Piglet” list!

Sunday was my first Mother’s day and it was nothing to write home about. I went to church and then came home and cleaned the house while Nathan slept. And slept. Grrr! Then we went to meet that guy about the car and then went and saw Ironman 2.

Monday I had a Dr. appointment and everything is good, no changes since last week. Then I went to the chiro for a second adjustment. I feel so much better! I recommend it to any pregnant ladies, even if you don’t have SPD. I know that aches and pains are part of every pregnancy, but really there is a world of difference in the way I feel now and the way I felt two weeks ago before I went to get adjusted.