I'd say he enjoyed it...

I think Shane enjoyed his supper yesterday. Mango, Strawberry, Cheese, and a little bit of Mama's spaghetti squash with a dab of chili on top. Wish I'd thought to take off his clothes!

What's really creepy about this photo is that expression. I've seen it on Nathan's face innumerable times!

March Of Dimes

Melissa and I are going to walk the March of Dimes walk this April. We are walking for Andrew (Shane's future buddy), who was born at 32 weeks. and Lyla (Melissa's neice) who had gastrochisis and will be born around 36 weeks and will require immediate surgery.

Please, either join us or donate (button to the right).

Melissa and I pledge to donate $0.10 for every mile we walk between now and then.

Fasting

My cousin recently did a 30-day Daniel fast, and wrote a beautiful, inspiring blog post about her experience. I am so proud of the woman you have/are becoming, Suzanne! Beauty on the inside is what matters most, but you have it inside and out!

Anyway, an extended fast is not something I’ve really ever heard of, researched, or looked into. I’ve done a few one or two day fasts here and there, but now an extended fast is something I might consider. A few facts about fasting can be found here and here. 

Basically, fasting as a Christian is an act of humility before God, a time to pray, study the bible, and communicate with the Holy Spirit, and allow the H.S. to work in and change us.  There are many references in the Bible to fasting but here are a few from the New Testament. In Matthew 4:2, Jesus fasts 40 days in the wilderness.  In Matthew 6:16-18 Jesus talks about fasting being done privately for God, not to be seen.

In the past when I’ve fasted it has been a very private thing, as I believe fasting is meant to be. (Matthew 6:16 “When you fast, do not look sullen like the hypocrites, for they make their faces unattractive so that people will see them fasting. I tell you the truth, they have their reward. 17 When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others when you are fasting, but only to your Father who is in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you.) I don’t think I’ve ever discussed it before, actually. If I were to do an extended fast, I would probably post a little about it on my blog since this IS my journal, but I wouldn’t discuss it in real life, except probably with Nathan since he IS my husband.

MOTIVATION: What would my motivation be for fasting?

To grow closer to God, and to fall in love with him again.  There’s not a specific goal or reason for me to fast, except that I want a closer relationship with Him. There are three deep and burning desires of my heart, but I don’t feel that it would be right to fast to “get them”; it feels manipulative. God knows the ending of those desires already, even though I don’t.


Because someone else did? No. I won’t do it before I pray about it and feel the Holy Spirit leading me one way or the other. Suzanne’s blog was a great thought-starter, but I won’t “jump over Niagara falls just because my friend did.”

Here’s my main concern, and this is me being brutally honest here. Pretty much everything in my life is done with a niggling little thought in the back of my head about my weight. And as someone who just had a baby of course I am trying to lose some. (Ok, trying-ish, since I’m being so honest.) I absolutely WILL NOT fast as a weight loss gimmick. WILL NOT. Besides the fact that weight loss is SO not the point of a fast, it’s dangerous and unhealthy to fast with that motivation. If I do a fast, it needs to be about my relationship with God. But what if I can’t separate it? After all, I can’t separate anything else in my life from my weight. Can God still use the fast as a tool in our relationship, and take care of the separation for me? Will he still strengthen me, grow me, teach me, use me? I’m human, after all. Is anyone’s heart TRULY pure?

DETAILS: How would I do it?

Because I am still nursing I would do a Daniel fast like Suzanne did.  Basically a Daniel fast is water, fruits, and vegetables. Because I am nursing pretty much exclusively, I probably would add in a piece of plain protein, such as fish, each day. Have to be a good steward of my milk supply, lol! Other than that I'm pretty sure I have enough "stores" (fat) to cover.

How long? I don't know.  A week to two weeks probably.  It depends on the leading of the H.S.  But I would think that a prolonged fast also would not be good for Shane's milk supply. 

What else would I fast? I'm not sure.  I wish I could fast TV, but that's not really my choice. ;) I don't have it on much when it's just me at home. I could fast speaking opinions/knowledge. I'm considering fasting books other than the Bible, but I'd like to read something like the book Suz suggested or one I've heard recommended by John Piper. So maybe just that and the Bible.

I dont' know where God will lead me. But this I DO know:

Fasting isn't about me, it's about God.

TIWTRT

This child, this sweet little boy. My heart overflows with love.

Lately we've been calling him our little puppy. He likes to pick up his toys/our clothes/books/phone covers/etc in his mouth and carry them with him while he craws.

He likes to crawl to the end of the hall when the doors are all closed and sit and babble and yell because his voice sounds deep and echoey down there. It's hilarious.

He likes to follow me back and forth from the living room to kitchen, and when I stop at the sink or counter he will pull up on my legs and try to walk with me.

He clings like a little monkey when you hold him on your hip, so sweet.

He loves fruit. (He's helping me eat an apple here.)

He tries to dance to peppy music.

He's trying to climb on things.

He's constantly in motion and almost impossible to photograph!

Computer Update

After googling about my computer issues I tried taking out the battery and running the computer without it, just plugged in. It worked! My screen lit up and I was able to save all of Shane's pictures.

Melissa, to your comment on my last post. A lot of the pictures were ones that you have, but a lot more were ones I've taken throughout Shane's short life.  Several hundred! Since three months old.  I'm SO grateful I was able to get them! Now, to find out if Amazon wil replace my computer...

Ugh

Yesterday was not so great. I found out that I had to take a test on Thursday after work rather than Friday after work like I had planned. I was not entirely prepared. OK. I wasn't prepared much at all.

I got the to the library to take the test, set up my brand new used three times computer and the screen went caput. So angry. I just put 200 irreplacable pictures of Shane's life on that computer, and didn't have the chance to put them on the external hard drive.

I got on a library computer to take the test and the internet was running SLOOOOWEEER THAAAAAN MOOOLAAAASSESSSSSS.

Every time I answered a question, the internet kicked me out of the test, so I'm not sure how many of my answers really registered.

The teacher didn't have the right answers to select for two questions (I looked them up in the book later).

Nathan called me 3/4 of the way through my test to tell me that Shane had woken up from his nap and was SCREAMING uncontrollably and had been for the last 45 min so could I please come home soon.

I was flustered, frazzled, and unprepared. And I got an 89. SO not happy with myself.

But you know what? I'm even more mad about my pictures.

Welcome, Baby A!

My friends had their baby on Tuesday night. Congratulations, new Mommy and Daddy! E’s water broke at 31w6d and little baby A was born at 3 lbs 9 oz and 16.25in, which is really good for his gestational age. Erin was a trooper and had a completely natural birth—go Mama!—and baby A is by all accounts doing REALLY well in the NICU. He is expected to be there 4-6 weeks. (A general guideline is that baby will be in the NICU until his due date, give or take). The last I knew, A had a CPAP and a NG tube and was having his oxygen lowered. He is getting his Mama’s colostrum and lots of kangaroo care. He is in an isolette rather than an incubator and the neonatologist says A looks good. He is a very very loved and prayed for little boy. And of course he’s beautiful and perfect and I’m so excited to be Aunt Alesha! We are all looking forward to seeing our two little boys roughhousing together.

We went to see D and E in the hospital when I got out of work on Wednesday and I made up a little care package for her. I’m going to share it here just in case any of you (all eight readers! Lol) ever know a mom with a baby in the NICU.

NICU CARE PACKAGE

A DISPOSABLE CAMERA--got this idea off someone's blog. You can leave it in the isolette and the nurses will take pictures for you when you're not there.

A JOURNAL AND PENS--so you can keep a little record of what happens each day, and the ups and downs and improvements and expressions and etc that you forget in your mommy fog. Great little book for the baby to look back on when he’s older. Got this off Google.

STICKERS--so Mommy can make baby a cute little name sign for his isolette.

PREEMIE OUTFITS--so she has something to wash and fold and stroke and sigh over and look at and anticipate dressing him in when he is ready. "Hope" in cloth form.

TISSUES--for the postpartum and NICU tears

TRAVEL DEODORANT--cause lets face it, your BO smells really weird after you give birth

HAND SANITIZER--cause you have a preemie! I wanted some with aloe because it’s so drying, but I couldn’t find any.

UNSCENTED LUBRIDERM LOTION--because the wash every time you go in the NICU and all the hand sanitizer is hard on your skin. And preemies don't need strong scents.

CHAPSTICK--because hospitals dry you out

TRAIL MIX--WITH CHOCOLATE--because mommies need protein to keep going when they're in the NICU all day and sheesh, who doesn't need some chonklit in their day

8 Months

Guess I forgot to do Shanes eight month post. Oops! Let me think back.

At eight months, Shane:

-weighed 21 lbs 4 oz and was 27 inches tall
-wears some size nine month clothes and some 12 month
-wears size 2 shoes
-wears size 3 diapers
-has eight teeth
-crawls. FAST.
-pulls up and cruises the furniture
-pretty sure there was a dada and a mama moment.
-walks when you hold his hands
-likes cantelope the best, and thinks cheerios are fun
-exclusively breastfed with fruits and vegetables once in a while to taste and feel
-co-sleeps with Mama and Daddy
-tries to climb your legs
-very verbal. Talk, talk talk talk talk.
-loves books
-loves kitchen utensils. He "helps" me cook and do dishes. As long as he gets a wooden spoon or measuring cup to "help" with, he's happy.
-still LOVES baths. He gets baths either in the kitchen sink or in the big bathtub and has a blast.
-stays with Daddy while I work 3 days a week, and we get the rest of the time together.
-bites. EVERYTHING. Once in a while you can tell he gets mad and bites on purpose; the rest of the time it's just his thing.
-likes to carry things in his mouth like a little puppy dog.
-likes to fly "airplane" or upside down with Daddy.

Shane is Mr. Independent. (wonder where he gets that! lol) He loves to sit on the rug and play with his toys. Half the time if you try to play with him he will ignore you. He is all over the house and trying to get into everything. In the morning when we wake up he will use Nathan or I as a jungle gym. Then he finds my alarm clock and turns on the music. He loves music! In the car, he will growl along with the engine as it shifts. It's too funny. Then he will start talking to his hand.

Ma-ma Da-da?

When I got home yesterday afternoon Nathan told me that Shane woke him up by putting his little hand on Daddy's cheek and saying "da-da". That was all he said. Just da-da and waited.

He's been saying da-da for a while but I was never convinced that he was associating it with Nathan. (although Nathan was sure, lol!) That story sound pretty difinitive though.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentines Day! This is Shane's gift from his "girlfriend", Aunt Melissa (and Uncle Thomas). He also got two baby signing books from Mama and Daddy. I know it doesn't look like it in the below picture, but he LOVES to swing.  I foresee many happy hours here!

He is naked because he is my nakey-loving heathen baby. And it was warm enough. And he's wearing a diaper. Sheesh!

And for my valentines day, I got a cover for my Kindle with a built in light! It's sa-WEET, and way better than chocolates or flowers or whatever else.

I think Shane called me Mama yesterday.  Really.  We were out for a walk and he was facing forward in his stroller, but turning his head up and back to look at and "talk" to me.  After a while he got preoccupied with looking around and I put the hood of the stroller forward so I could get my water out from underneath it.  After walking for a while I hear "Mama?" and I put the hood back down to find him looking back for me.

Nathan also swears Shane has called him Da-da. 

I don't know if he really called me Mama or not but it seems like he may have. What do you think?

O.VER.TIRED.

Shane cracked me up last night. He was refusing to go to sleep and when he is sleepy but fighting it he gets really silly.  Finally I took him in the bedroom to lay down with him. He started bouncing on the bed on his hands and knees and laughing like a maniac! It was SO funny.

TIWTRT

This week I want to remember our nursing relationship.  Our breastfeeding relationship is really precious to me, and I hope it will continue for some time.  I want to remember how he opens and closes his hand on my side (sometimes it hurts if I haven't cut his nails!) He loves to reach for my nose or my mouth or my eyes with his free hand and a mischievious grin.  Sometimes when he's in the middle of nursing he reaches for his feet, and I tickle them and his face lights up and he laughs with a little trickle of milk out of the corner of his mouth. He giggles if I blow raspberries on his hands or nibble his fingers. At eight months he will squeeze the side of my breast, almost like a lovey. Sometimes when he falls asleep nursing he'll relax and hang his arm over my breast like it's the arm of a couch. At night he cuddles it while he nurses. Even in his sleep, he'll reach out his soft warm little hand and stroke my breast, arm, side, or cheek just to make sure that I'm there. Sometimes he sighs softly and cuddles close to me. It's really cute how he'll make sounds in his sleep like he's nursing.

Other times he is an acrobatic, squirmy, bundle of impossibility. Is it loud? Bright? People talking?  He'll kick and squirm and continuously pull away and latch back on, pull away and latch back on. Usually I either take him somewhere quiet if he's really hungry or put him down to play if he doesn't seem really hungry.  His new thing, now that he has seven teeth, is to finish nursing and then try to knaw on me. And if I tell him, "no", he grins up at me like, "What, Mama? I wasn't going to bite you!"

Nursing is how we connect when we're busy, or when I've been gone all day. He invariably wants nurnies as soon as I get home from work, even if he's just eaten. He stares into my eyes and we re-connect and I make silly faces at him and he stops to give me a smile.  It's how he's comforted when his tummy hurts, when he gets a boo-boo, when he can't sleep, when he's overstimulated and played-out, when he just needs some relaxation or lovey time from his Mama. He looks at me and  in his beautiful green gold eyes I see all the thanks and love in in the world.

I am SO grateful that we have had a good, and fairly easy nursing experience. I feel so intimately connected and bonded with my little love and I dont' know if that connection would have been as instant without our nursing relationship. I feel that it has give me a lot of confidence as a mother and as a woman. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Aunt Flo

Aunt Flo, she has returned. Ugh. Hey, at least she waited until Little Man was eight months!

Shane has seven teeth, and grinds them incessantly. The sound sends chills up and down my spine.

This is us having our morning story time. He love love LOVES to read. He'll pick books out of his toy basket. Yay!

He is also pulling up and cruising the furniture, and crawling very quickly.  He can make it across the room almost as fast as I can!