Yesterday I found out I was pregnant. The funny thing is, I’ve been feeling like I was pregnant for the last couple weeks. There was no specific reason, and in fact I remember telling myself several times that I was crazy (I guess talking to yourself makes you crazy anyways) for “feeling” pregnant. I told myself that you can’t “feel” pregnant and that I was just around too many preggo ladies and was just feeling the signs of my oncoming period. No way was I pregnant.
Boy was the voice in my head wrong. Yesterday morning I was texting with my mom about getting the family cradle when we go visit them in Ohio for Christmas. I just wanted her to know that I wanted to drive it back down here rather than have to pay to have it shipped. Mom, being Mom, wanted to know if that was an announcement. “No!” I told her. Then I hesitated and thought, wait, I was supposed to get my period on Saturday. I’m two days late. I’m never late. Crudsicles!! I spent the rest of the day at work thinking, I’m pregnant, no I’m not, yes I am, no I’m not…
I left work and drove directly to the Walmart around the corner from where we live. I bought a First Response test, NOT name brand thank you very much, went into the WM bathroom, and peed on the stick. I took up the handicapped stall, and didn’t even care. A mom came in with her kid and they both had to squeeze in the little stall. I didn’t care. I was sitting on the toilet, with the stick on the TP roll cover, with squeezing my eyes shut and counting to sixty seconds 3 times. I peeked after my first 30 seconds of counting and there were two lines on the stick. No way, I thought. You can’t get results that fast. So I squeezed my eyes even tighter and kept counting. After my three minutes were up I looked and there were still two lines. Pregnant.
I wandered around Walmart in a daze, trying to simultaneously decide on a creative way to tell Nathan, figure out what I actually needed to get there, and absorb that I’m going to be a mother. I was totally blown over. We hadn’t planned on trying for a baby for a few years yet, and I was just spaced out. I got a pizza for supper and went home. A huge thunderstorm was rolling in, but I begged Nathan to drive me down to the lake. There’s a place we go occasionally, a little stone picnic pavilion with a perong, and I wanted to go there and be near the water. He agreed, and drove us there. I was so nervous I nearly threw up as I got out of the car, and Nathan held my hand as we walked down to the bluff. He was talking about how it would be cool if we could cliff dive from there, and I blurted out, “I got you something at Walmart.” I handed him the card I bought him, which was about love and how I always fit in his arms. At the bottom I wrote, “And I hope you have room in your arms for one more, cause I think you’re gonna be a Daddy.” He looked up at me with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes and said, “Is this a joke?” Worldlessly I reached in my purse and handed him the pregnancy test. “Two lines is positive,” I said. He was so excited and hugged me, and I cried because I was so nervous to tell him but he was so excited that it made me happy too.
We talked for a few minutes, and I told him my ideas for how to announce it to our families. Finally as the storm was about to break we headed for Hobby Lobby. We decided to make two T-shirts. Both on the front would say “It” Happened, and on the backs they would say Mommy and Daddy respectively. As I was working on the shirts in our room later that evening one of my friends asked me how he felt about having a baby. He said, and I quote, “I feel ecstatic!” Once we made the shirts I sent pictures of us in them to my mom, dad, sister, and brother. That’s how we told them. We are taking Nathan’s parents out to dinner tonight and will wear our t-shirts and see how long it takes them to notice.
I love it that Nathan is so excited. I am nervous and I feel disconnected. I realize that I have a little life growing inside of me, but I don’t feel it yet. So far all its doing is giving me horrible heartburn and making me pee a lot. I don’t feel pregnant. I don’t feel like a mommy. I guess I am excited, but I still am in shock I guess, and find it difficult to believe that there really is something there. I feel like I am walking around in my sleep. My dear sweet husband is so excited that he has told pretty much everyone he know, and bought a lot of them cigars. (Kinda wish he hadn’t done that though…it was expensive!) His excitement and happiness really takes a load off my mind. I love seeing him so happy—I don’t think he would be happier even if we had planned it!